20080701

disappointing


my evening run was sorely disappointing. it was late and i had not yet had dinner, so i decided on a fairly easy route. it was not long before i was huffing and puffing. what is wrong with me, i wonder? i ran twice this distance last week with minimal effort! i feel as if i have not worked out in weeks, which is not the case. it's not even that hot outside...then a friendly voice whispers embrace this body; work with it, not against it. in years to come, you will never look or feel as good as you do right now. enjoy it. stop griping and enjoy it. wise words, but there is still media, my insecurities, and my pride to deal with. i just run through the steps, the options in my mind. what am i missing in this quest for equilibrium, for drive and motivation and security within my body? what am i doing wrong? will it always be this hard? i complete my jog towards home, trying to preserve my dignity but feeling like a senior citizen shuffling through molasses up a cliff in january (with arthritis and asthma). again and again i return to the mantra "progress, not perfection", even if that progress is barely perceptible. even if it just means trying again tomorrow.

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