aspirations

i've decided that i want a baby girl named "lux".
seriously.

...

i'm leaving for michigan very early in the morning.

busy busy!

seems like i'm moving up in the world with my new toy.

i've been fairly busy packing for college and trying to spend time with what friends i have left nearby.

enjoy my new favorite song- "tristan" by patrick wolf

on the up-and-up

i'm doing a little bit better today.
below: some of my latest purchases (with my liquidated back-to-college budget)
ridiculously tight dark denim pencil skirt- H&M
uber-gorgeous black patent platforms- Nine West. see close-up here
i'm still toying with the idea of returning them- i could do a lot more with the money- but i think they're a worthy splurge, and i havent run across any "practical" flats that fit at all.

outfit today:
gray double-scoop tee- H&M
floral hi-waist skirt- F21
keds lookalikes- thrift

a collection

photos for today

thin

where does one cross the line
from
casual fiber-pill-taker to
mia?
from
watching food intake to
obsessed?
from
pro-ana to
ana?
from
transformed to
emaciated?
from
concerned to
depressed, full of self-loathing?

i have a full history of love-hate with my body.
it's harder for some than others.
i wish this was a part of me that never had to surface, that never was an issue.
but it is.

harried

today has been one of the longest days of my life (longer than yesterday by just a smidge). i am finally back in VA, and must survive 2 weeks before my next change of scenery. with 2 of my 3 friends already gone, i am just hoping to stay VERY busy, so that the time passes quickly- busy enough so as not to notice that i will not be eating anything. me + food + long hours with nothing to do and nowhere to go = massive weight gain, even over the course of a week. so. anyways...
what was the only bright point of today? i've had coffee 3 times. this evening i got to use my new coffee/espresso machine (found on craigslist for a steal of $5 !!) and i made my 1st latte. hooray!

it wasn't as pretty as this one, but i'll gain more skills with the passing of time.

at long last

the main event! finally! my cousin stephanie's wedding.

it was lovely. pulled off with class, but still lumbee (indian- my mom's whole side of the family) all the way.

[note- none of these pictures are acually of tonight's event. they're from google.]

only hitch?

the DJ

all the young people who should have been dancing were standing or mingling around, waiting for something good to come on, or for more people to start dancing, so as not to feel like they were putting on a show for aunt billy jean and uncle carlis in the audience.

so there was none of this going on

or this

or this either

alas. but it was still enjoyable nevertheless. i threw my own party of 1 celebration members-only dance party in my room when i got home.

...

also, nothing like those well-meaning distant relatives you only see once a year for making you feel woefully alone.

"don't you have a boy?"'

[me] no, ma'am i don't

"well, why not? they ain't got no good ones up where you go to school?"

[my mother leans over] "she's too picky"

-as if my mother knew anything whatsoever about my romantical escapades. hrrrumph!-

anyways

it went well.

bundle me up

ann demeulemeester

6267

armand basi

behnaz sarafpour

french vogue fall 08 fur lookbook

pretty pretty

oh, an ode to the girly bedroom i never had! (woe is me, for i surely shall perish...)

aren't they beautiful?

a great vintage tradition, i fear vanities and dressing-tables are becoming extinct

i'd gladly welcome one of these into my less-than-spectacular dorm room

i especially adore the lucite detailing in the first photo

see the full slideshow at domino

pat on the back

http://www.whowhatwear.com/website/full_article.php?id=686

who was doing this look all spring?

moi.

...

(love this website btw- i check it pretty regularly)

it's been raining here all last night, and all today.

i've enjoyed it.

it's actually quite nice.

new interest: french bulldogs

if i were getting a dog in the smallish/meduim muscley size category, this would be it

precious, no?

well, this morning my hair actually looked like hair again (as opposed to an over-processed scraggly mop/haystack), due to much desperate TLC, and in part thanks to the product below:

i highly recommend it

...

i'm itching to write about fall/winter '08 fashion again, but i'm on a borrowed computer, so the picture perusing and downloading will have to wait.

i am so restless/antsy here, i actually counted the days till i go back to college (20-something). it's not that i really want to leave, i just...i don't know. it's like my summer is over and i'm in limbo.

...

i also eat way too much peanut butter.

WATCHING:

smart people, with dennis quaid, sjp, and ellen page. familiar family-of-misfits vanilla plotline (although refreshing against a decidedly new-england old-school prep setting)...stunning, endearing performances all-around. worth seeing at least once just for ellen page...her character grew up far too fast, taking on responsibilities far beyond her years in the wake of a dead mother, and uses her general anality, sharp zinging wit, and indifferent air to push herself through life. i empathized with her greatly.

good movie.

...

i am feeling very restless here and i still have a week left, then another before michigan. not that i want to leave so badly, it's just...maybe the weight of the differences between myself and my (extended) family are more painfully obvious this time around. i get *looks* from my aunt multiple times a day just because of my eating habits...before i've even opened my mouth for conversation! and i miss my friends a great deal. i actually exercized out of boredom today- howabout that for crazy?

my quasi-vacation

well, i've been here since thursday night, and i love it, really, but it's just a different world. how do i describe life in lumberton, nc for you? my mom, my sister, and i are here primarily for the wedding of my cousin, my mom's sister's daughter, exactly a week from today. all my mom's family is here, and we've been making the 6-hour trip at least, or usually, once a year since before i was born. as soon as my mom is well enough, and the restoration work is finished, she plans on moving to the house she and her 4 siblings grew up in here...that will be a change.

...

it's flat here, just flat. there's many, many fields- soybeans, corn, tobacco, watermelon, other things...except for the larger cities (fayetville, chapel hill, charlotte), all the "towns", including where i am here, are just off-the-highway shopping areas, with small lots for houses tacked on the outer rim. most houses are small...you're doing well if you're not in a trailer. a mid-range luxury car, with exceptional rims, and a top=of-the-line cell phone are coveted possessions for the young working population (people my age, and a bit older). at the old-time restaurants, like where we ate tonight, service, fare, and decor are simple, food is fried, and the people-watching is prime. restaurants like the village in are the hang out- everybody knows everybody. it's all "isn't that so-and-so's baby boy? and didn't he marry that such-and-such girl?"..."oh no, there's that youngest cousin of so-and-so. you know that young-un doesn't give his mama nothin' but trouble..." and y'all i'm not jokin'

try watching friday night lights for a better idea. (great show!!!! although it's set in texas, it's very similar)

...

i'm not makin' fun, neither. not really. i can satirize, but internally i just feel a whimsical grin coming on. i just take this culture like it is. let's just say that me opening up about being vegan (for a time), or even vegetarian (now), or not eating carbs (no corn bread? hush puppies?) brings me stares like my head has turned purple, or i've grown a tail or something. or indie music, for example ("indie? what's that? is that like linkin park? cuz i only really listen to country..." might be a realistic response). i have yet to meet soemone here who gets that stuff. but it is what it is. let's just say i'm not moving here. not if i can help it.

...

on looking for tofu in the super-walmart, my cousin said "i'm not sure i even know what that is"

...

on going out to dinner, my aunt said "i don't want no seafood unless it's fried"

...

on eating tofu, my aunt said "i'd rather have the soybeans. i dont; wanna eat nothing curd-like"

a real southern meal: peppered, fried flounder, cole slaw, french fries, and hush puppies. and sweet tea on constant guzzle. hold the bread, extra cole slaw for me. and water, not tea.

just to give you sort-of an idea where i am...

nothing like fresh watermelon sold from the farmer with a field just a mile away. gotta put salt on it, though.

'stache- the new hip accessory? most definitely!
photo from the cobra snake
entertaining: hipster runoff

more detailed posts forthcoming...i'm off to NC for a week-ish and don't know if i'll have internet there

breakfast smoothie no.2

Pumpkin-Banana Smoothie

1/4 can pumpkin
1/3 frozen banana
few drops maple extract
1 pack sweetener
1/3 c. soymilk
1 tsp. apple butter
1/2 scoop vanilla protein powder
2 ice cubes

Combine all ingredients in blender. Sprinkle with some granola and nutmeg.

weary

at one point in "into the wild", alex's character says "things were more fun when i was broke". if i was in a position to embrace that lifestyle, i think i would end up agreeing with him wholeheartedly. maybe that's just the (heavily suppressed) idealistic optimist in me, but money makes me weary. the older i get, the tighter it becomes, the more it haunts and taunts me and those close to me. the love of money...the root of all evil. not a cliche. i feel it inside of me, getting me all riled up, causing rifts in my family and in my outlook on life. i long for freedom from it.

nocturnal schedule

so, i went to DC last night with a friend and had such a great time! we ended up at HR-57 Jazz club, and the band playing was kind of awesome. i don't really make a habit of listening to jazzz, but i really enjoyed it, and i would go again.

it was so refreshing just to be out at 1 in the morning in the city and see all the people out having a good time. and to have conversation with my friend about all manner of things...made me wonder "why haven't we done this before?" besides the drunk people on the metro on the way home, all in all, it was good.

EATING:

apples with trader joe's crunchy peanut butter
hot-n-sour soup
sugarfree vanilla pudding, made with almond milk, sprinkled with cinnamon, layered over blackberries
oh, and coffee. lots of coffee.

i just realized that after subtracting the to weeks in north carolina, i have less than two weeks left of summer! and i need a car...

quotable

"the way i saw it, the problem wasn't my outfit, but my context..." - david sedaris

"i could fuck this icebox, i love it so much" - dickie greenleaf, in the talented mr. ripley

"if you give off signals that you don't want to belong, people will make sure that you don't" - the principal in pretty in pink

"his name is Blane? Oh! that's a major appliance, that's not a name!" - duckie, in pretty in pink

the days flutter by

WATCHING:

pretty in pink. the last part of the molly ringwald teen trifecta did not fail to deliver. although i'd say i love the breakfast club the best, this one came in a close second. besides the smooth dialogue and crazy blast-from-the-past setting, the fashion in this film was just buzzing!

the tousled hair, big sleeves, tights, hi-tops, leisure suits, boho touches...it was just everywhere, and i loved it.