today was not a good day. i screamed.
why, oh why, must i get so wrapped up in these issues?
i mull it over so much that it doesnt even make sense anymore
let's hope tomorrow is better


hooray! i've finished my gigantic paper. now only one art project and a spanish presentation to go...


ok, just some outfit pictures for y'all. the weather here is so indecisive; i had folded up my winter clothes, and the weather turned again, so here they are. hopefully summer will be decisively here soon. i'm wearing old tights, thrifted textured black dress, thrifted grey tee w/ diy cutouts over top. and you can see i'm wearing one of the headbands i've made.
i'm keeping my eyes on the prizes: new piercing after i finish all my papers and drastic haircut (more like a shaving, if it goes like what im thinking now) after exams. yessir.


a little gratuitous idol action- lara stone to to get you through the day.
i have a million and one things to do. and time is...where is it?
i will come out at the other end of this in approximately one month.


i was out walking in the nature preserve today, and i got to thinking how ironic it was that we end up loving the things we used to hate in years past.
. our taste buds change about every seven years. i couldn't stand celery for the longest time, and now i crave it.
. i detested doing dishes when i was growing up. i remember awful evenings of procrastination and screaming over the tedious chore. once a sweet old lady at church told me eventually i would cherish it, for the ritual and rhythm and the peace that comes with it. i'm at that point now. i won't have a proper kitchen of my own for a few more months, but the series of actions- run the water, wash, rinse, wipe the counters, sweep the floors- is well ingrained in my being
. growing up, my father would frequently on weekends take us out to a park or driving to some unknown destination, to get me and my siblings out of the house so my mother could recover from the night shfts she was pulling. i very much did not like being put in a car without knowing where i was going or how long my time would be demanded. i did not appreciate being made to trek all over creation and look under rocks for bugs and peel off treebark samplings. now, i can happily spend hours just being outside. i love the sensation of my mind rambling a cascade of thoughts and memories connected to something as simple as a scent on the breeze.
. for a very long time, i mostly disliked being alone. if given the choice, i would gladly spend all my time with friends, or seek people (besides my family) to be with. i remember separation anxiety in the summer days before i could drive being particularly painful. last summer i was transformed in regards to lonesomeness. i had tasted my first real bitter draught while at college, but coming "home" to a place i was bound to by love and obligation, an hour's drive away from any of my 3 high school friends (and bent under exorbitant gas prices), i was stuck. resolved and resigned, but stuck. i grew in so many ways,...but i truly value the shift of being comfortabke with my own thoughts, in my own company. it is still hard at times. i still become frustrated and discouraged from pulling at people, but i have to remind mysel that being alone for awhile is okay.

im going to chicago for two days. here we come, easter.


classes stretching laboriously onward. work, appointments, in-between time. looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, and yet shunning it, because i don't want to live my life wishing for things to be over. looking to sources outside of myself for endurance and sanity.

one kid said to me, "this is the time of the year at calvin when hell comes to breakfast"


he (hedi) does it again

love this gorgeous boy, jethro tull. hedi did the top photos, plus an (always amazing) lineup of others. see it here.