i was out walking in the nature preserve today, and i got to thinking how ironic it was that we end up loving the things we used to hate in years past.
. our taste buds change about every seven years. i couldn't stand celery for the longest time, and now i crave it.
. i detested doing dishes when i was growing up. i remember awful evenings of procrastination and screaming over the tedious chore. once a sweet old lady at church told me eventually i would cherish it, for the ritual and rhythm and the peace that comes with it. i'm at that point now. i won't have a proper kitchen of my own for a few more months, but the series of actions- run the water, wash, rinse, wipe the counters, sweep the floors- is well ingrained in my being
. growing up, my father would frequently on weekends take us out to a park or driving to some unknown destination, to get me and my siblings out of the house so my mother could recover from the night shfts she was pulling. i very much did not like being put in a car without knowing where i was going or how long my time would be demanded. i did not appreciate being made to trek all over creation and look under rocks for bugs and peel off treebark samplings. now, i can happily spend hours just being outside. i love the sensation of my mind rambling a cascade of thoughts and memories connected to something as simple as a scent on the breeze.
. for a very long time, i mostly disliked being alone. if given the choice, i would gladly spend all my time with friends, or seek people (besides my family) to be with. i remember separation anxiety in the summer days before i could drive being particularly painful. last summer i was transformed in regards to lonesomeness. i had tasted my first real bitter draught while at college, but coming "home" to a place i was bound to by love and obligation, an hour's drive away from any of my 3 high school friends (and bent under exorbitant gas prices), i was stuck. resolved and resigned, but stuck. i grew in so many ways,...but i truly value the shift of being comfortabke with my own thoughts, in my own company. it is still hard at times. i still become frustrated and discouraged from pulling at people, but i have to remind mysel that being alone for awhile is okay.

im going to chicago for two days. here we come, easter.