i was out walking in the nature preserve today, and i got to thinking how ironic it was that we end up loving the things we used to hate in years past.
. our taste buds change about every seven years. i couldn't stand celery for the longest time, and now i crave it.
. i detested doing dishes when i was growing up. i remember awful evenings of procrastination and screaming over the tedious chore. once a sweet old lady at church told me eventually i would cherish it, for the ritual and rhythm and the peace that comes with it. i'm at that point now. i won't have a proper kitchen of my own for a few more months, but the series of actions- run the water, wash, rinse, wipe the counters, sweep the floors- is well ingrained in my being
. growing up, my father would frequently on weekends take us out to a park or driving to some unknown destination, to get me and my siblings out of the house so my mother could recover from the night shfts she was pulling. i very much did not like being put in a car without knowing where i was going or how long my time would be demanded. i did not appreciate being made to trek all over creation and look under rocks for bugs and peel off treebark samplings. now, i can happily spend hours just being outside. i love the sensation of my mind rambling a cascade of thoughts and memories connected to something as simple as a scent on the breeze.
. for a very long time, i mostly disliked being alone. if given the choice, i would gladly spend all my time with friends, or seek people (besides my family) to be with. i remember separation anxiety in the summer days before i could drive being particularly painful. last summer i was transformed in regards to lonesomeness. i had tasted my first real bitter draught while at college, but coming "home" to a place i was bound to by love and obligation, an hour's drive away from any of my 3 high school friends (and bent under exorbitant gas prices), i was stuck. resolved and resigned, but stuck. i grew in so many ways,...but i truly value the shift of being comfortabke with my own thoughts, in my own company. it is still hard at times. i still become frustrated and discouraged from pulling at people, but i have to remind mysel that being alone for awhile is okay.

im going to chicago for two days. here we come, easter.

classes stretching laboriously onward. work, appointments, in-between time. looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, and yet shunning it, because i don't want to live my life wishing for things to be over. looking to sources outside of myself for endurance and sanity.

one kid said to me, "this is the time of the year at calvin when hell comes to breakfast"

he (hedi) does it again

love this gorgeous boy, jethro tull. hedi did the top photos, plus an (always amazing) lineup of others. see it here.

well, spring break

started out with me turning 19 on saturday, closely followed by 11 hours of driving. i really feel so old already, the number itself seems abitrary.

tried as much as i could to get my mom out of the house, but (very frustratingly to me) she's very content to stay inside. more on that later...

sunshine, little sister. not quite as warm in virginia as i would have expected.

did lots of cooking, including 2 batches of vegan ice cream, banana pecan and mocha. i always look forward to making up for lost time cooking delicious things while at home, much to the dismay of my father and siblings, who are staunch meat and carbs supporters.

most unfortunately, since my health insurance runs out later this week, in addition to getting a crown put in, i had all 4 wisdom teeth removed. the first day was miserable and bloody, and now i'm on my 4th day and still all swollen up and bruised. i haven't been to classes, but i'm going to start back tomorrow. it's amazing how people will behave- not looking me in the eye, trying to hide their staring. i've had time to think about it, and i've decided to try and brave it well, for the sake of my mother if nothing else. i may get a tiny taste of what she experiences every time she leaves the house.

"you look cute"
what does that even mean?
use your brain and find a real adjective, please
new posts coming soon

killer moto vest tee. find it here.
one more class before spring break. packing tonight. everyone's antsy.

fashion cycles but never changes

leather sandals (sandals in general) make my day. once it's warm enough, i can't wear anything else.

i'm starting to wear color again

love chambray and mens cutoffs for spring and summer. i'm still looking for the perfect pieces.

transition look: colorful, tasteful dress with tough black accessories. easy, chic

job-hunting. while listening to crystal castles. it's pretty rad stuff.

good party. they'll get better. paper-writing and spanish today. 6 days till break.
i got the official word that me and my friend were "accepted" into this intentional living community that we've been courting, so i'm very relieved i'll have somewhere to live this summer, with old and new friends.

i have felt the need to start this up again.
it's weird to think i am turning (only) 19 on saturday. i feel so much older.
my life has been:
paper chains, visual media, spring transition, countdown to break, grasping for friends, making coffee, job interviews, house hunt, camera neglect, dead hampster, melancholy music (suitable for all moods), getting back in shape, talisman in my hair, homework homework, stravinsky and brahms, paper cranes, evil voices in my head, writer's block, walking on the ceiling, muscling through classes, diy everything, heartstrings, and so much more.
for spring, nude is the trend, but i want to wear color again. i'll be a parisienne bohemienne.
throwing a party tonight. i'm excited.