lifted

last night, i was reading (actually out loud, to my mom) from 1 john chapter 3, and the verses were speaking of how since we (Christians), are touched by God's love, it will show in our everyday lives, and if it does not, we are not of God. i was convicted. it really smacked me. i went back to re-read it for myself again in my room. a great friend of mine, a former teacher, once told me "if you are angry at someone, or need to forgive someone, but you can't do it, or you aren't ready, you must ask God to take it from you. Ask Him to change and mold your heart, so you are ready to forgive." i have been praying this for a long, long time, and last night i was able to give up that burden. i am sure i will struggle with it again, but i've given it up. i was praising God in my room, sitting on my bed, and not 2 minutes later my dad (how ironic) came in with some money for me for a new pair of running sneakers- an answer to prayer that's been a long time coming! so just praise God with me, y'all.

today

LISTENING:

the darjeeling limited soundtrack. take me to india any day.

an interesting combination:

green tea and sprite zero

READING:

as if i needed a lovely, delightfully-written book about a woman who takes a year of her life to live in 3 different foreign countries. definitely sketchy in the spirituality/theology deaprtment, but an entertaining read so far. a great summer beach book (or lying-on-the-couch-in-the-AC book)

a great way to travel:

is converted to:

see more here

summer is

summer is...

can't remember where the days have gone

going straight from breakfast to book

cooking because you feel like it

planning trips with no money

trying to decide- watch tv first, or read first?

the only fixed part of your day is your workout

having time for walks and conversations

letting the rest of life pass you by

dreaming about far-off places

getting frustrated when your world is too small

sleeping in on weekdays

eating fresh berries and baby pearl tomatoes

relishing that wave of heat from opening the car door

sandals

sweat

constructed laziness

trail mix monster

july trail mix

1 bag antioxidant berry-and-nut mix (cranberries, blueberries, cherries, raisins, walnuts, almonds, cashews)
1/2 bag brazil nuts
1/2 bag macademia nuts
1/2 bag peanuts
1/3 c. sunflower seeds
1/3 c. pecans
1/2 bag freeze-dried strawberries
1/2 bag freeze-dried pineapple (SO good!)

mix in a freezer-sized bag and enjoy!
you could also add granola crumbles, chocolate chips, or butterscotch pieces

consumption leads to trail mix monster-level ecstasy

music and dinner

cauliflower "mashed potatoes" and vegan "cheese" for dinner? yes, please.

...

my mother and i went to a new church today to see the isaacs, a family southern gospel/bluegrass act, perform. they were talented and amazing beyond belief. we were blesed many times over.

...

there's been a "bizarre foods" maarthon on the travel channel this afternoon. food from delhi, india, morocco, spain. *sigh* i will see them all someday.

a bit of catching up

blueberry picking was great. i must have eaten 3 or 4 cups of blueberries in a few hours. maybe more. plus i actually ate a hamburger patty, with cheese, for the 4th...first beef in months. i'm putting the guilt out of my mind- it was a rare indulgence. but not really an indulgence, since it wasn't doing my body any good, huh?

...

i slept over at melissa's. her family has always been welcoming to me. i brought them a cup of our blueberries. we walked through downtown leesburg...not many places were open, because of the holiday, plus the weather was not ideal, but we walked in the rain, and it was nice. exceptionally wonderful: my iced americano with sugarfree chocolate syrup and real whipped cream. perfection, and not from starbucks!. i purchased a few cute books from a little thrift store, and two vintage photos, a vintage postcard (postmarked 1940, and it was from india!), and vintage mismatched cutlery from one of the antique emporiums. pictures on their way.

...

i watched reservation road. definitely a downer, but great performances. i love joaquin phoenix in any and every way. i'm usually attracted to gritty somber movies anyways.

we watched the diving bell and the butterfly. inspiring and tasteful, yes. slow to pick up, but worth it, i think. thoughts: i'd love to learn french. and age gracefully. in that order. yes.

...

tough to admit, but...ok, well to start, i loved the movie friday night lights. and i'm not the sappy high-school-sports-drama type. but i loved the movie. and i happened upon an episode of the tv show the other day. and the full episodes are available on the nbc web site. sooooo...you can guess what i spent the last 3 hours on. yep. during school- nope. i never even had time to check my favorite blogs. but here in the luxurious stretch of summer i can afford to have my own marathon of tv-by-way-of-internet goodness. and you know, it's not that bad. no, really. it's not gossip girls or one tree hill. it has more substance than that. ok, i'll stop trying to defend myself. it is what it is.

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apologies again for the dreadfully uninspiring lack of photos. newly discovered: 3191 photoblog. check it out. now.

randoms

today was a slow morning

after two days of get-up-early-and-work-out-to-start-the-day, i was ready for a break
like a get-up-and-stay-in-pajamas-and-drink-coffee-for-an-hour-and-a-half kind of morning
what follows is randoms of what i have been doing this week. sorry these are kind of late- i have to get out to the library for internet.

WEARING:

this skirt has been through a few renovations. i found it as a pair of culottes in a thrift store, and now it is a high-waisted semi-fitted pencil skirt

these are my favorite go-with-just-about-anything summer earrings

i paired the skirt with the gladiators and just a simple white v-neck, tucked in. for more polish, i could add a belt.

EATING:

i apologize yet again for lack of pleasing pictures. this meal is a mixed-vegetable salad with store-bought ginger vinaigrette. i stir-fried some tofu chunks and white mushroom with a bit of teriyaki sauce, which is what you see on the bottom left. on the right are these little wraps i made, with some nori (seaweed) slices and the stir-fry for stuffing. i loved it- it reminded me of sushi, without the carbs of the sticky rice coating. i also eat the nori as a snack- it's light and crispy.

again, i don't have a picture of the finished product for you, but i was craving a dip for the celery and green peppers i had in the fridge. i researched online tofu veggie-dip recipes, then remembered i had two cans of black beans, so i did what i always do- improvised! recipes are rarely set in stone for me.

Black Bean Dip
all-purpose condiment, topping, vegetable sip, side dish, etc.

1/2 can black beans, drained
1/2 package tofu
3/4 can stewed tomatoes, drained
1/2 vidalia onion
garlic, salt, chili pepper, red pepper flakes, hot sauce to taste

- blend all ingredients thoroughly in food processor. season to taste. could do well with fresh cilantro, garlic, or salsa included. all amounts flexible.

...

i've also been making lots of smoothies, and enjoying fresh-ground peanut butter from Whole Foods.

...

my mom wants to go blueberry picking. i think that will be our 4th of july plans. what are yours?

disappointing

my evening run was sorely disappointing. it was late and i had not yet had dinner, so i decided on a fairly easy route. it was not long before i was huffing and puffing. what is wrong with me, i wonder? i ran twice this distance last week with minimal effort! i feel as if i have not worked out in weeks, which is not the case. it's not even that hot outside...then a friendly voice whispers embrace this body; work with it, not against it. in years to come, you will never look or feel as good as you do right now. enjoy it. stop griping and enjoy it. wise words, but there is still media, my insecurities, and my pride to deal with. i just run through the steps, the options in my mind. what am i missing in this quest for equilibrium, for drive and motivation and security within my body? what am i doing wrong? will it always be this hard? i complete my jog towards home, trying to preserve my dignity but feeling like a senior citizen shuffling through molasses up a cliff in january (with arthritis and asthma). again and again i return to the mantra "progress, not perfection", even if that progress is barely perceptible. even if it just means trying again tomorrow.

cherrydale rehabilitation center

-how is stan [my husband]?
-i-uh-um...well...maybe you don't remember...do you remember, ellen? the last time we came to visit you?do you remember, we talked about this?
-no...i don't
- oh, well...stan isn't with us anymore...not for some time now
-oh...is that so..

...

-[lowers voice a few decibels] there is this man here who keeps arguing with me. he keeps insisting he is right, and i am wrong, but he is wrong.

-oh, really?

-yes. he is determined to tell me i can't walk, but i can, and he keeps telling me i can't

-[trying to conceal a humoring tone] really, is that so? so you can walk?

- yes, i can get up and go to the bathroom, down the hall...i can walk anywhere i want

-oh, ok.

[MAN IN SCRUBS ENTERS WITH DINNER TRAY, SETS IT DOWN AND SAYS A BRIEF HELLO]

-[eyes narrow slightly] that's the man. the man who keeps telling me i can't walk.

-really?...

[MAN EXITS WITH A BEMUSED SMILE]

-yes. well, he's just wrong. i'm sorry, but that's just the way it is

outfit yesterday

self-designed cutoff shorts
extra-long black tank from H&M (my new favorite!)
beaded purple sandals from Old Navy

vintage gray sunglasses
self-made headband

kind of hard to see, but i'm really liking the double lockets right now. the gold heart-shaped one was my grandmother's- i found it in her house, and the silver one is H&M.